So have you ever carried something around that you were not meant to carry around. The answer is "yes" for all of us. We always carry things that God does not want us to carry and we have to be willing to let them go. After two months of praying for others and the issues at hand, not finding any rest or peace, I began to not be able to sleep. I was heavy. I would be in the presence of God and just cry not knowing why.
Saturday, God gave me the opportunity to speak with am amazing Godly man that shepherds "spirituals" as he would say. I will call him Hawaiian Man. While speaking with him Saturday, I was able to let go of the hurt and anger that I had over a situation in my life. I did not realize just how angry I had become, anger I did not know I had inside of me. After speaking with Hawaiian Man, I felt like half the weight of the world had been lifted off of me.
I was able to go through the rest of the day, and go to another service, and be in the presence of God yet again, and seemed to be at rest. My kids and I had a great time worshipping, and praising God and, of course food is always involved. However, once I got home, I began to feel that remaining half of the weight of the world on my shoulders. I could not sleep well, praying for others.
Sunday rolls around, I get up go to church and what do you know God puts that weight in front of me. The weight told me that he loves the hubby and I, and that he does believe what God did in my life and that his problem was not with me. He said exactly what I "thought" would make it better, but it did not (at the time). I was able to tell him that he needed to know how much he had hurt the hubby and I, that it was only through the strength of Christ in us that we were even still there. I was able to say somethings that I had not been able to say, all the while with one of my grown up kids hugging me and another standing with me. What a testament to those kids.
I called an amazing friend, who sounded like my friend, looked like my friend, but was not. It was God through her asking tough questions that I did not know the answers too. After the beating of questions, "what have your been praying about?", "what would make this better?", "has this become a stumping block?", "have you laid it at the foot of the Cross?" ouch, what tough questions, but when asked in love and through love, God is able to break through the hurt and pain.
I knew I had not laid it down and that I needed to lay it down. I began to think about that the remainder of the day. Then I go back for yet another service in the presence of God, and the tough question, "what have you done with it(what you learned on your walk to Emmaus), Community?" Ouch yet again, another sting from God. Immediately after this we get to take communion again, when I ripped off my piece of bread and dipped it into the cup, and took it in, the blood of Christ came flooding back. I fell to me knees that the foot of the cross and laid it down. Telling God I was carrying something that I was never meant to carry. I was holding on thinking that I was the one that needed to do the changing with all the prayer that was keeping me awake. That Satan had me right where he wanted me because I was being ineffective for God's kingdom because I had allowed my hurt and pain, the gaping wound in my heart to rule my thoughts, prayers, my life. Oh, to fall at the foot of the cross and tell God you are sorry, to see yourself lying there looking up at the cross, laying down your sin and burden, your failures, your weakness.
When I got up off of the ground, the other half of the weight of the world that I was carrying was lifted off. It is amazing how we know the fundamentals, but yet Satan still gets us right where he wants us so that we are ineffective for God. He had his grip on me, pulling me and shaking me. Many things Satan can't get me on, but he found one, one that I did not realize I needed to lay down.
"Come to me all you who are wary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29
Last night was the best nights sleep I have had in two months. Praise God, my burden is light and his yoke is easy. And to the "weight", you know who you are, we love you too and I am sorry for any hurt or pain I may has caused you.