Struggling

It's funny how parenting is such an emotional roller coaster. Why is it that I see my kids better than others see them? I know my children's faults and strengths, yet everyone else seems to only see the faults. Then the faults are belittled. Instead of simply correcting and focusing on the strengths, we have to belittle them. Just confused as a parent; how do you deal with what others think? How do you teach your kids that they are not a smartallic, know it all, bully? Smart, yes. Tend to be right, yes. A rough boy, yes. It's all about the motive. The approach of my child is wrong, the motive is not. He's not trying to be a disrespectful, know it all punk. He's just an almost 7 year old kid, who has not completely learned how to speak and behave. I agree he's approach is wrong, but to belittle and label him that just seems wrong to me. So how do I teach through this process?

Life...the Craziness of it...

Let's see, where to begin...

Oh, I know...two weeks ago today, I ran away from life. I loaded up the van with luggage and kids. I dropped the kids with my parents, then went to a cabin in the woods, by myself. I love the hubby dearly, but two weeks ago it was about me. Not about taking care of the kids or the hubby. It was all about taking care of myself and my relationship with God.

It's funny how God had to have me run away to be able to tell me that all the studying of His word and praying to Him, was only 2/3 of the equation. I was missing the "Be Still..." Odd since that is the verse I have in VERY large print on my dining room wall. See, I was doing the things I knew I needed to do, but yet I was still feeling empty, even though I knew God was there. Well, I was empty, because I was not being still. You all know how it is as a wife and mother. You take care of everyone else first, then if there is time, you take care of yourself. God wants us to "Be still". We just have to be obedient and do it. Even if it is only for a few minutes each day, we have to get away from life and "Be still" in God, just listen to what He is saying to us. It's amazing what you will hear when you listen.

Also, God new I needed to refresh for days, before returning to the next part of my journey. You ask...What's next? Well, the hubby is still leading music at another church. God answered four specific prayers in a very specific way through a man in a restaurant, whom I had never met and probably never will again. One pray was...Father, please show me a burning bush. I got a burning bush.

The second part of what's next...Kid-O has been passing out. We've had an EKG which came back normal. We had the EEG yesterday. Don't know the results yet. And now we are on our way back to our favorite place, UAB to a pediatric endocrinologist. What's that you ask...metabolism in a nut shell. Looks like Kid-O is having blood sugar issues. Extremely lows and extreme highs. Indicates hypoglycemic/pre-diabetes.

It's funny how God using my children to keep me focused on Him. I have no problem placing them in His hands, and asking for His leading, but I have to choose to "Be still" and listen to what He wants me to do next. Which doctor does He want me to take her too. How far do I push until someone answers the question..."Why did my daughter start passing out, all of a sudden, at the age of 10?"

Little Man is about to be 7 and already has a powerful testimony about and for God. Maybe/Prayerfully God is building Kid-O's testimony to be just as powerful.

Busy still...

In the previous post, I talked about the busyness of life and all Little Man's health issues since the Staph infection. Well, it strikes again. After the last ear infection and Strep throat at the same time, it looks like we will be back at the doctor tomorrow. Fatigued and running a fever of 101. It's been two months since that Staph infection and we have yet to have Little Man healthy for more than about a week and a half at a time. Fun, fun. Mini-Me is sick too.

I really would like to runaway for just a few days and sleep. Do absolutely nothing but sleep. Is that possible?

I doubt it, but man is that a lovely thought.

Busy, busy, busy...

Okay, so I am just showing that my last post on August 18th was true. We have been so busy there just does not seem to be time in the day to breathe. I so desire my slow, boring life back. My mom keeps telling me that is not going to happen until my kids leave home. Is she right? I sure hope not.

This is how our weeks have looked for several months now. And this is just the regularly scheduled stuff, not even the extra stuff that gets thrown in there every week.

Sunday: church, nap, church
Monday: Errands
Tuesday: Bible study in Gurley, start cleaning house, soccer practice, dinner
Wednesday: Library duty, still working on house, laundry, church
Thursday: Library duty, still working on house, laundry, Science Club
Friday: More house work, more laundry, Soccer game
Saturday: Prepare our lesson for our Sunday school class, Work on projects around the house Back to Sunday

This does not include all the doctors appointments, volunteering at the school, couponing classes I teach, Indian Princess stuff, remodeling a bathroom, building a patio, etc. It's a good thing we only allow our kids to participate in one activity outside of church and school. It truly is a blessing that God changed my Spirit a few years back. I used to not be able to go to bed with a dish in the sink or a dirty bathroom. Praise God, He changed that. Because there is usually at least a bowl in the sink, and now the bathrooms only get cleaned once a week.

So tell me, will life slow down or should I just get used to it? I want to know what I'm in for.

On a different note, my Meniere's is now under control due to extremely low sodium diet and a diuretic. I've lost 15 pounds too.

Little Man is doing better from the Staph infection in his elbow. It has been rough for a while. Becuase Staph is so difficult and taxing on the immune system, right after we got him over that he got another viral infection that caused fever for 7 days. About a week after that he got a head cold and upper respiratory cold that lasted for about 2 weeks. He has now been healthy again, this time for about two weeks. So we are praying that his immune system is finally getting ahead of all the germs.

Busy...

Life has been extremely busy these last few days and doesn't show signs of being less busy for a few more days.

Monday...Well, Monday's are Monday's. Then add an ECoG test on top of that. I have been diagnosed with Meniere's Disease. So much fun for me. I knew I was dizzy, nauseas, echoing in my ears for a long time, just didn't realize they were all related. So now I am on a low, and I mean LOW sodium diet. And I return to the doctor on Friday to review results and get more medication to take. Little Man comes home from school with a red, swollen, sore elbow.

Tuesday...Took Little Man to the doctor, because I knew his elbow was infected. Can't take a chance with infections due to his heart condition. So we spent on hour at the doctors office yesterday morning to discover he has a Staph infection. First, squeezing the infection out of the elbow. Can you say, OUCH? Blood was drawn from one arm for CBC and sedimentation rate. Doctor called Little Man's cardiologist. After that call, more blood had to be drawn from the other arm for a blood culture, to see it the infection had gone septic. Left knowing we might have to go on IV antibiotics, an appointment for tomorrow, and horse pill antibiotics to take 3 times a day. Then Little Man could not go back to school, due to having to monitor his behavior. In the midst of the doctor's office visit, my Meniere's decided to make a visit. Dizzy, nausea, had to lay down. Why in the middle of Little Man's appointment. Squeezed more infection out last night. Can you say, GROSS?

Wednesday...Back to the doctor's office at 8:30 this morning. Infection was not found in the blood. So that is a good thing. Still able to squeeze infection out of the elbow. The elbow is still red, but not blood red like yesterday. Swollen, but not as bad. And still tender. Meniere's set in again, UGH. Left doctor's office this morning with another appointment for tomorrow morning. IV antibiotics is still a potential. Will lance the elbow and clean out as much of the infection as possible tomorrow. Trying to give the antibiotic a fighting chance of catching up to the infection.

Tomorrow...We'll see at the pediatric office.

Friday...Back to the ENT for Meniere's.

Doctors are great, but sometimes, do you ever feel like you are just seeing them WAY to much.

Funny...

I walk pass Mini-Me's bedroom. He is under his sheets with his head covered. I walk down stairs. I see the bar chair fallen on to the aquarium. I pick it up, and go back upstairs to Mini-Me's room.

Conversation goes like this (with Mini-Me still under the sheets):

Mommy: What are you doing?
Mini-Me: Hiding.
Mommy: Why are you hiding?
Mini-Me: Because I want too.
Mommy: Why do you want to hid?
Mini-Me: So daddy can't find me.
Mommy: Why don't you want daddy to find you?
Mini-Me: I don't want him to spank my hinny.
Mommy: Why would daddy spank your hinny?
Mini-Me: Becuase the chair fell.
Mommy: Oh, okay (trying not to laugh)

Little did he know, his cuteness kept him out of trouble, becuase he dented the aqaurium stand pretty bad and dented the bar chair as well. Apparently, he was sitting under the chair which we tell him not to do a lot. I guess we don't know what we are talking about.

So much, but so little...

It's funny how you have so much to say, but so little time to say it.

So much to say, but so little can be said.

Why do people delete you as a friend on facebook?

When you think you are supposed to talk to someone, but you know it will be difficult what do you do?

When talking about your own life, testimony, is there a line that crosses into gossip because it involves others?

Why can you be so loved, but yet feel so alone?

How do you get out of your introverted box after being hurt?

Is caution good or is it just fear?

So much to think, so little answers.

Spina Bifidia Occulta

So, I would assume most people remember Little Man's journey through diagnosis, treatment, and recovery of his tethered spinal cord. Well, at the time I knew it was related to spina bifidia, but I didn't know how. And of course, if you don't ask, doctors don't tell you a whole lot.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, God introduced me to a complete stranger whose daughter has spina bifidia as well. Sophie has the lipo form of spina bifidia. They, like us, did not know until they started seeing signs that something was just not right with their daughter. Sophie's form of SB is more severe than Little Man's, but still not the worst form. The form of spina bifidia most people think of is the most severe, which is the one where you see the hole in the back. Where as Little Man has the least severe (Spina Bifidia Occulta) of all the forms, Praise God. Anyway, as we talked about the tethered spinal cord and the releasing surgery and all that kind of stuff. She asked who our neurosurgeon was and all those related questions. I also told her that I was confused because they released us, but yet there is the possibility that the cord could re-tether, especially during periods of rapid growth.

So she proceeded to give me information on a SB clinic at UAB where the spina bifidia kids go and they see all their doctors in one day. So I am contacting them to find out what we need to do to get Little Man into that clinic. The main advantage to being in the system is that they see him yearly, so if we ever see signs/symptoms of re-tethering he already has a group of doctors. We don't have to go back through everything we went through previously. So we'll see...

Interesting facts about spina bifidia:
1) It is hereditary. I was told don't worry about it, your other children are fine. So when Little Man gets married and he and his wife are considering children she will need to take additional folic acid supplements months before conceiving. SB occurs within the first 28 days of in utero development.
2) It is more prevalent in people of Irish, Whales, etc decent. We are. The geneticists don't understand the correlation yet, but they know there is on.
3) 87% of all spina bifidia patients have blue eyes. Little Man has blue eyes. Yet again, the geneticists don't know the correlation, but there is one some how. That doesn't mean if you have blue eyes you have SB, it means that 87% of SB positive people have blue eyes. Just want to clarify.

Life

So at some point life stepped in and I haven't seemed to have time for anything that I (my personal side) needs and wants to do like blogging, scrapbooking, and many days my daily study time with God's word. I get down easily and many times it is difficult to get back up.

When the hubby and I decided to move a year ago, I didn't realize it would effect my life the way it has. We knew we would be leaving the church that was our home for many reasons (not just moving), but I guess I didn't think of the ramifications of that. You do realize who your friends are and aren't when you leave a church home. We have found a new church home, and we like it. We are starting to get involved in the ministries God would have us to do. Example, the hubby is back to playing music every Sunday with special music whenever the minister asks. We will be leading a couples Sunday school class starting in June. And we will be marriage mentors for couple struggling with things we have or are currently going through. But the walls of protection are already up.

Reading "not so ordinary's" blog post, I realize have many walls I have put up to protect myself from being hurt so deeply again. We have a close connection with our new music minister and his wife because they were so deeply hurt by their previous church. They have been at Farley for nearly six years and they still only have one close set of friends, because the walls are up. But almost instantly, we have a connection because of the walls and the experiences that God allowed each of us to go through.

So as God slowly breaks that wall down, I am thankful for the few friends I still have. They are a treasure to me. I say all this because that is what's on my mind. We are challenging each other to get back to blogging, so here are my thoughts for today.

Mini-Me being silly

The hubby installed a cat door in one of the doors in the house. The door going down to the scrapbook and laundry room area. The litter box is located down there and we were leaving the door cracked. However, that is not the best idea with the heating and cooling system.
So we decided the cat door was the best idea. Anyway, Mini-Me saw me taking pictures and thought he should be in them. So here you go, the clown of the family.

Red Rooster

Red Rooster week is here and so much to do. Get my stuff together, print photos, buy supplies. Lots and lots to do, but I can't wait. I think I will have to not transcribe any after tomorrow.

Update of the fast...

Well, we are doing better kind of sort of, but we still don't like it. We know God is in control and He will continue to carry us through, even though it has gotten more difficult with each passing day, but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and the Hubby.

So I've already called AT&T, Nintendo, and Knology this morning. Now off to transcribe two files and then clean house. Wooh, I'm already tired.

Results

The Boobs are just fine.

How do you like that for a whole post?

Mmmmm...

Headed for a Diagnostic Mammogram this morning. Sure that will be lots and lots of fun to have my boobs flatten in to pancakes for how ever long it takes. Can't wait. I'll let you all know how it comes out.

A little getaway...

During fall break, the hubby and I left the kids with grandma and grandpa for about three day. It was really great to get away, even if it was for all a couple of days. We were able to get a little bit of Christmas shopping done, as well as have a great time together. One day before a little bit of shopping we went this place call Alligator Alley. It was fun and interesting.

By the way, I don't want this guys job. Although, it looked like he was enjoying the gators.

He is the hubby holding a little gator. We only took this picture for the kids, then we forgot to show it too them, so I guess you guys get to see it. It was wonderful spending alone time with the hubby. Eating what we wanted, when we wanted, and not having to stop to go potty every hour. It was fabulous. On night you even order Chinese take out to the hotel room. It just doesn't get much better than that.

??? Balance ???

I completely agree with Going Goofy. It is difficult to find a balance between work, home, children, etc. Most of you know I started transcribing for an insurance company several months ago, to make saving for that family ski vacation that the Hubby would like to that a reality. As you can tell, no post in one month, finding a balance is nearly impossible.

If I work around the house getting things done, I'm not transcribing and falling behind. If I am transcribing, I'm not getting things done around the house. I have tried to cut back to three hours per day, but it still seems impossible to get it all done. Along with taking kids to school and preschool, doctors appointments, picking kids up, grocery shopping. Or I get done all the things I need to get done, but not the things I want to get done. Example: blogging, scrapbooking, painting, etc.

So, It is very difficult to find that balance. You don't want to let anyone down, so you try to do it all. Needless to say, I have seriously cut back on the amount of transcribing I am doing. From about 150 to 200 pages per two weeks to around 100 pages per two weeks. Which is still a lot of listening to people and typing what they say. Like you know like what I mean like. HAHA.

I have so much I want to post with no time to do it. I guess I am going to have to take another day and just marathon post as many post as I can.

So Broken...

So this past weekend was a wonderful one. The hubby and I started our meetings for the upcoming fall Walks to Emmaus. At these meetings, you find yourself examining yourself. You can't serve others if you are not in the right spot with God. Anyway, Saturday sitting in the meeting, God was speaking to me, so clearly about how broken I am. I didn't not realize how broken until Saturday and then again on Sunday when the pastor preached on Dave and Nathan.

So here is part of my testimony taken straight from my journal, written 9-29-07, the middle of the night. I will not explain everything in this one post. It would be too long; however, I will explain and write all of it, to completely explain why I am so broken.

Sometime in the middle of the night, 9-29-07:

"Wow, what a night. First I knew about candlelight, but I did not know what would happen or what to expect. I knew Mom and dad would be here. I had no clue that Chris would come. I know I hoped he would but I did not expect it because of the kids.When I saw him that was a blessing. I began to cry as if I had not seen him in weeks. Just making eye contact with him and taking that rose from him was more than I could handle or imagine. It was almost like I was seeing him differently and he was seeing me differently. Then just knowing all those people came just for us to know they were praying for us. Wow! what an amazing experience. Then after everyone left we had our time of release again if we wanted too. Well last night I thought I laid it all down but I did not. This morning when we went back in for communion, they asked us to place a piece of bread in the basket as we lay the things down that we don't want to carry anymore. I felt led to place a piece in for each burden I was carrying and wanted to let go of. I did and my load was so much lighter. So tonight I had nothing else to lay down, but I was still crying uncontrollably. Pastor Phil asked why? I told him I was tired of being that verse in II Timothy where you are always studying but never coming to the truth of the knowledge. He asked if I had ever asked God to give me the full power of the Holy Spirit. I said, "no". I don't know what that means or what to think of that either. He placed his hands on me and began to pray over me. Me head began to feel light, my arms were beginning to go limp. I was aware of everything because I was trying to keep control I wanted to make sure they weren't doing anything to me. He wasn't other than praying over me. As all went limp, I just laid back on the floor, still aware of what was going on telling myself this was not real, but I did not do anything, they did nothing to me. I can not explain it. It is scary and surreal. I am scared to tell Chris. What if that was the one thing he did not agree with. What if he thinks Iam stupid and lost my mind. I still don't know what to think about that experience. I know in my heart if it was a true God give experience that He well grow it. If it was not from my Father I ask that you remove I from me. I only want to be honorable to you, no one else, and no one thing. Whether what I experienced tonight was real or not I know that I have freedom from the craziness that was in my mind before laying all that crap out on the cross. I am changed for the better. I just pray Father that I don't leave with more questions than I came with. I am trusting you to remove from me the verse in II timothy. I am trusting you to give me that teachable heart, the one that desires to know you, see you, talk to you , and hear you."

9-30-07 (morning)
"I am scared Father,I don't understand what happened and why. I know I am scared and I need and want to talk to my husband, to get his idea. I am afraid he will find the experience quite crazy and think I'm weird. I don't even come close to understanding so how do I explain it to anyone else."

9-30-07 (later that morning)
"Father, I think you for sending me to the chapel during breakfast this morning. I knew I needed some answers. I thank you for putting Randy where I could see him. Someone my father trusts. I talked to him and told him what happened and how I felt. He helped to explain, but left to get Donald. Pastor Donald gave me some scripture to back up what had happened because I don't want to do anything to displease you. Then you sent Cathy in. She told me how after you had filled here with the Spirit the Word just came alive. Well that is what I was asking for. I believe that your Words will jump off the page and become alive to me."

So these are words from my journal. Here is the filler information. The night that I hit the floor. I was at the alter, fighting God. I was telling Him, he was not going to make me hit the floor. I was not going to fall. Needless to say, God won, I lost. He laid me on that floor. My dear wonderful friend came over to me and asked me if was okay. I said yes. I wanted to get up, but I couldn't. All I could do was roll my head one way or the other, and tell my friend I was okay. I was laying there, still fighting God, telling him I was going to get up and He was telling me no. Holding me there until I had given up all fight that I had in me. Later that evening when I went to the restroom, I looked in mirror and I glowing, or so pale that I was glowing. I knew I was looking at myself, but there was no definition to my face. That Randy that I saw the next morning, that I knew I could trust because my dad knew him and had worked with him for many years. Well, it was the wrong Randy, God knew I needed someone, so He lined everything up for me to be able to talk to some one, some one I knew I could trust. My father thank Randy for talking to me later that week at a meeting. That's how we figured out it was not the same Randy. Then the hubby, believed every word and understood every word I was telling him. God had spoken to him, but he was not able to tell me until I came home from my walk. So He experienced the power and realness of God as well, just in a different way.

Okay. I think that is enough for now. I could type forever, but I know you all have more important things to do than read this. I will finish in one or two more posts. (This post will explain many posts from a year ago or so.)

The Third reason for our Road Trip

Well, we decided if we were going to travel all he way to South Carolina for Mark and Skippy, we should just go on up to North Carolina and visit some old college friends. So that we did. We have seen Tim and Darcy, maybe three or four times since we left Mississippi 6 and 1/2 years ago. Tim's family live in this state, so they will swing by when the come visit family. So that was the third and final reason for the road trip. We spent a lot of time on the road, but we loved all of it but the last day. You will have to come back tomorrow for that story.

Second Reason for our Road Trip

Here is reason number two. No, not Little Man, but Skippy. Remember our grown up kids, this is one of them. Anyway, Skippy will be a senior this year and wants to go to college, Christian colleges (YEAH). Anyway, the boys and I took her to a couple back in June. There was one left that she wanted to look at, Columbia International, in Columbia South Carolina. So we figured since we were making the trip anyway, if she wanted to go she could go with us on our journey. (A whole week with Mr. C, and the three kids.) She's a brave soul.

Anyway, she loved the college. I liked it a lot, and it looks like we are going back in December for scholarship weekend. Skippy was a trooper on the road all week with our crazy family, spending two days with my newly released from prison cousin, and some friends from college. I have to say though. It was great fun having her along for the ride. She even talked the Hubby into the alphabet game. I don't think I have ever even been able to do that. You know, he's an engineer, their pretty serious people.

YEAH

YEAH, the FIRST day back at SCHOOL for Kid-O. Third grade her she comes.

Karios on the Inside

One of the several reasons we were on a week long trip around North and South Carolina was for my cousin Mark. I have not seen my cousin in 7 years. Mark is 2 years younger than me, I believe and has daughter two weeks younger than Kid-O.

Anyway, seven years ago, he made a horrible mistake. He helped a guy rob someone, put them in the car and relocated him to another location (ie. kidnapping). Of course this is the very short version of the story.

Within the first year in Kershaw, maxi mun level prison in South Carolina. My cousin was blessed with the opportunity to go through Kairos on the Inside, which is the Walk to Emmaus for prisoners. What a blessing that was in his life. I pray that God using his testimony over, and over again. Anyway, during that time in prison, he says, "God has really blessed me. Not a hair on my head was ever hurt. I was shown favor by the guards and prisoners alike." He has stayed in God's word for all these years, daily. I pray that God leads him to continue down that path and that God's keeps temptation from him. Mark told me, "I can only do this with God's strength." Praise God that he knows that now. I just ask that you all pray for him. This is going to be a difficult time in his life. Right now he is on 90 house arrest. He can not step out of the door of the house.

May God bless Tim and his wife, who have listen to God's call on their lives. Tim was Mark's table leader 6 years ago on Kairos and his wife worked the kitchen. Thank you and all glory be to God. Tim has continued to stay in touch with Mark over the years. The hubby and I believed as Christians we are to support those who need the support, whether they are family or not. I asked for extra special prayers for my cousin.